


Maybe Infinity is You

by cloverbell



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Bottom Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Boy Trouble, Bullying, Disturbing Themes, Drama & Romance, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Summaries, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jeon Jungkook Is a Brat, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope Is Bad at Feelings, Kim Namjoon | RM Is So Done, Kim Taehyung | V & Park Jimin Are Best Friends, Kim Taehyung | V Is a Sweetheart, M/M, Mental Anguish, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Whipped, Not Beta Read, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Park Jimin Is a Little Shit, References to Depression, Sad Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Society stigma sucks, Sope, Teen Romance, Teenage Drama, Top Min Yoongi | Suga, Tragic Romance, Underage Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Yoonseok - Freeform, a little fluff, but hopefully the plot helps, kind of, namjin - Freeform, yoonminseok - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-05-16 09:46:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14808959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloverbell/pseuds/cloverbell
Summary: Jung Hoseok undoubtedly is a literal sunshine.But we often forget that even though the sun is the one that shines the brightest, it is also the only thing that sets.******If one was dawn the other was dusk...But could for the very first time, dusk save dawn or will both yet again perish underneath  the pale blue moonlight?





	1. Green Lamplight of Doom?

We all are born as mere blank canvases in the twisted lanes of life. In this plain every little nuances that arches, becomes colours that are either splashed or splattered or brushed or spilled and sometimes even engraved upon.

 

The chosen colour palette is never in our hands and perhaps never will be. It shall always be painted by the paintbrushes that are not ours.

 

Yet amidst every unfamiliar ridges we do learn a tremendous lot, we learn to accept, we learn to bear, we learn to endure, we learn to endear from every stroke of that slightly crooked tip of a paintbrush, we learn.

 

Learn to love, learn to hate, learn to hurt, learn to heal, learn from the very last spectrum of curves from that colour palette that glimmers a bit too brightly sometimes.

 

Hence we learn to drench in mundane tones instead, a little grey here, a little grey there, because not everything in life is entirely black or white or even the damn rainbow!

The hidden blobs of the colour cycle can fill up those cryptic cervices of one just fine, a little rugged but still fine, absolutely fine…

 

 Nobody wants to be basic yet basic in a way we all are.

 

A bent forever, in which we are displaying colours that are splattered upon by others and not once revealing one's own blankness within.

 

He too was a free bird, spirited to soar up high into the blue tinted skies, the one who had wings perfectly aligned to cut through all of those rough turbulences and just belong.

 

But his feet were bonded roughly into the burnished brown terrains, the cuffs that locked him up created a tiny crack on to the dusty ground, a crack that eventually seeped much deeper than the lone plain itself, almost unnoticeable but there nevertheless.

 

He was sucked into an endless void, his once coloured canvas now blank for all the colours that were once spilled upon, so lively and bright were ruthlessly washed away sooner than the trickling of a molten candle wax.

 

Leaving his canvas cold, so incontestably cold.

 

He was only seven and his beautifully filled canvas was deprived of any tones or hues. In fact it was as barren as the trenches of an abandoned Arabian Desert plain.

 

He still attempted to fly though but his flight became a mere replica of a kite soaring without any string to hold onto.

 

 

 

As directionless as a ship without its sails.

 

As inadequate as a house without its roof.

 

As paranoid as a tunnel without an end.

 

An endless maze of the heart, paths drawn with crimson yet his canvas remained pallid.

 

But he was still young, a little naïve, a little innocent and perhaps a little too eager to stop breathing overall.

 

Ironically, he still chose to defer though.

 

 

 

For he was different, always would be.

 

 

 

He ignored the bareness of his own canvas and decides to take the initiative to colour the blankness of others instead.

 

He decided to be the light that he forever searched for but couldn't really grasp.

 

 

 

Jung Hoseok undoubtedly, is a literal sunshine.

 

But we often forget that even though the sun is the one that shines the brightest it is also the only thing that sets.

 

 

_“Why does he always smile like a lunatic that escaped from a mental asylum?”_

_“Lord his smiles give me nausea! Nobody’s so happy all the time. How fake can somebody be?”_

_“Ugh he grinned me at right after assembly… No wonder the rest of my day went so shitty.”_

_“He is not that bad, I mean um he once helped me with locating the new history classroom...”_

_“Not every glitter is gold.”_

_“Plus he is so clingy I swear to god! Until I told him to back off he wouldn’t even let me breathe! He rubs off such oddities on every individual he communicates with. Geez such a killjoy!”_

Hoseok’s canvas wasn’t blank anymore, in fact he wasn’t even sure the canvas was his anymore.

 

For the colours were never his and maybe he knew they wouldn’t ever be.

 

Every word splattered upon would always leave hoggish stains of frail permanence.

 

But he still grinned blindingly bright, he had to, he had to be the illumination right?

 

So what if, the incorrigible stains weren’t a tad bit pleasing, at least his canvas was finally filled again.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

“Good morning! How are you all?” he greeted, a little too cheerfully on the tedious Monday morning.

 

The mass undoubtedly dispersed at a striking pace the moment his presence was acknowledged, leaving him all alone in the abruptly deserted hallway.

 

“This is fine, absolutely fine.” he replied a little too quickly, to nobody in particular.

 

Even so it reassured him a little.

 

“I am fine.” he said again, only the gentle breeze escaping from the tiny crack of the hallway’s window answered back.

 

 

_“When the object is placed at the focus of a convex lens, only then will the image appear at infinity. Any questions?”_

_“Excuse me ma’am but what is infinity exactly?”_

_“When we say a thing is infinite, we mean that it is either limitless or endless be it in terms of space, shape or even size… In fact ‘infinity’ is impossible to measure.”_

**_“Like human emotions.”_ **

 

The dreaded silence that clogged the classroom still stays afresh in his mind. He stuck out like a sore thumb, like an amateur philosopher amongst the masses of delusional physicists.

 

_“Did I ask for your exclusively trivial knowledge on ‘infinity’ Jung Hoseok?”_

He remembers the crystal piercing gazes on him, some curious, some amused, some disgusted but mostly annoyed gazes. Gazes that judged, gazes that analysed, gazes that loathed, gazes that pitied but none to accept.

 

**_“No…”_ **

****

_“Exactly! So please tone down your unnecessary chitter-chatter if you want to pass this semester in physics. Passing grades don’t come in infinite bundles unlike your sleazily sharp tongue for a kid, boy.”_

The classroom erupted in a pool of sniggers, the eerily chilling silence finally broken and perhaps something inside him too.

 

 

Memories like these somehow always managed to leak out whenever the arms that held his concrete walls of a vivid mind, failed, even just a tiny bit.

 

 

 

 

No wonder he didn’t like emotions.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

“Hobi-hyung!!! he hears a distant call for him.

 

This voice, he knows this voice a pretty too well by now.

 

His eyes roam around the largely crowded up canteen, struggling to vision out the owner of the cheerily sweet voice amongst the masses.

 

Just then he spots a flash of bubble-gum pink tresses and an automatic grin stretches out upon his face. He was infamous for his annoyingly chirpy grins in school but this one had an enormously tiny difference, this grin for once reached his eye.

 

“Jiminie!!” he calls out excitedly, immediately turning annoyed heads at him for his megaphone loud voice booming through the canteen.

For once it didn’t bother him or maybe he had learnt to pretend a bit too well.

 

The bubble-gum head comes rushing out, no actually shoots out from the mass, like a bullet that has just been released out of a rifle, the instant he hears the older out.

 

Hoseok chuckles as he is enraptured into a bone crushing hug by the latter.

 

“Hobi-hyung!! God we missed you so much! That brat of a kid Jungkook kept on whining about your absence even though I reasoned out your other concerns. Without you hyung, that boy is exaggeratingly chill about disobeying me despite me being older to him by two bloody years! Only you can make him civil Hobi-hyung! Please beat the shit out of his ass when we meet up again okay, for me! Oh yeah also Taetae is so lost without you… Wish you had come with us hyung, this weekend went so blandly.” babbled the shorter one animatedly.

 

Nor once stopping even for a breath as if the older would magically evaporate into thin air if he took a pause in his instant rambling. 

 

This was a change, a very pleasant one in fact, for once he was wanted and not despised.

 

 

Even so Hoseok couldn’t really embrace the sudden notion,

_‘Was Jimin just saying this, out of pity?’_

_‘Were these just another bunch of sugar-coated lies?’_

_‘Possibly true maybe because why would I be wanted anyway?’_

_‘Would he still care if he realized I ditched them not because of any stupid calculus assignment…but because I was having trouble getting out of bed, again?’_

_‘Was it bad that I can never force out a smile, alone. To look into the mirror and not cringe in disgust.’_

_‘I am sorry Jiminie… I can’t be a good hyung, this hyung is weak, and this hyung cannot even shut down his own fucking mind….’_

 

“Ah, I am sorry Jiminie but you know Mr. Brian would’ve clawed out my brain had I not completed that damn assignment this weekend… Hope you understand?” he lied quite efficiently and flaunted a dashing smile. The truth underlying somewhere between the cherry lie.

 

Jimin instead just snorted at his hyung’s effortless way of chucking out the seriousness in any conversation.

“Okay, okay I totally get it hyung! But this week’s outing is completely on you… Oh! Did I tell you about this amazing burger joint just two blocks away from the campus?” the younger boy mentions suggestively, a little smirk arching up his lips and eyes glistening mischief.

 

Hoseok lets out a chuckle and ruffles his bubble-gum coloured hair fondly, “Yeah, of course! As you wish my dearest dongsaeng.”

 

Moments like these though rare, often contemplated Hoseok to ponder whether or not destroying his whole canvas was really ideal or?

 

 

 

_“Jung Hoseok!!? Why haven’t you changed into your sports shorts like the rest? Didn’t I remind you all just last week that the dress code for this week’s P.E classes will be strictly in white shorts, your house shirts and white tennis shoes?” the ever stern voice of Miss. Rosewood echoed loudly through the quietened sport’s auditorium._

**_“I -uh- forgot to give them to the laundry this weekend and so they-uh- Sorry…?”_ ** _he fumbled upon his own wordings nervously._

It wasn’t a wholesome lie but it wasn’t the actual truth either.

The thing about one never being able to colour one’s own canvas wasn’t really as accurate as it seemed. You in fact can choose to paint your own canvas but there’s only one cryptic condition to it; the colour selected being crimson, the paintbrush being a forbidden shine and the damned canvas being your own body.

 

_“Nonsense! A hundred laps on the soccer field now! Now shoo- !” she ordered furiously._

He didn’t judge her, he would want to get rid of his own existence too.

 

_“He is such a whimsy kind of pushover!”_

_“Good riddance!”_

_“Thank god, no more lunatics in classes!”_

_“Yeah! No more overly sickening happy auras.”_

Happy huh?

 

**_“I am fine- I am fine- I am fine- I am…” he repeated again and again to himself, hoping no scratch that praying that maybe just maybe he would actually be ‘fine’ one day._ **

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“Whoa! I need a new pair of shades, you’re too bright for a Monday afternoon man!”

“Shut up Namjoon!” he said with not a hint of malice in his tone.

 

“No offence dude but sometimes I wonder how come your jaws never gets tired with that 24/7 radiating smile of yours?

I mean are you even human?” said the dyed lilac headed boy teasingly.

 

Oblivious to the fact that the term struck out a wrong chord in the other’s memory stream.

 

Hoseok felt his smile falter, his pulse quickening, his lungs refusing to contract and expand rationally and his vision slightly blurry.

 

Namjoon frowned in confusion, “Hey-hey Hobi? You okay there?”

 

Snapping back to actuality, Hoseok stood there quite overwhelmed, this has happened so many times to him yet he is never actually prepared…

Panic attacks are like getting hit by a wave of boisterous tide abruptly while your feet are buried deeply into the dreadfully sandy shore. Leaving no escape but to endure the treacherous.

 

 

“Ye-ah I am fine… -Uh- I shall be right back!” he heaved out frantically.

 

Hoseok knew he was about to collapse under pressure, he knew his façade was cracking, he knew, he very well knew it all.

 

His legs felt like a cluster of clanking utensils held on by loose strings, his heart a hysterical mess, pounding dramatically against his hollowed chest while his stomach crippled in anxious knots…

 

 

 

This was not supposed to happen today…

 

 

 

“I am fine, right? Shouldn’t I be fine, right? Am I fine?” he spitted out desperately to the desolate tiled walls of the boy’s restroom.

 

Hands clutching onto the sides of marbled basin, the washroom’s mirror though clogged up in unknown stains reflected back his tragic self just fine.

 

There were no tears trickling, there were no cruel words exchanged, there were no cries for relief in fact there was nothing at all.

Hoseok was numb and he didn’t know what was more terrible.

 

Amidst all the triviality of his despair, Hoseok failed to acknowledge the washroom’s door creaking, failed to hear the loud squeaks of cheap rubber soles, failed to point out a new set of gaze that travelled much beyond his physical existence, in fact he didn’t even realize he wasn’t alone in the stall until he felt the other literally breathing down his exposed neckline.

 

“Want a lamp there?”

 

He felt a hoarsely deep breath tingle upon the back of his neck, shaking him out of his trance.

 

“What the fu-!!!” he exclaimed terrified, literally jumping out of his wits and not so gracefully crashing his leg at the edge of the marbled basin.

“Ow-!!” he now cried out, pain shooting across his right leg and up his spine.

 

 

 

The intruder who apparently found the whole scenario outrageously comical, was clutching on to his sides too, the only difference was that he was howling in laughter instead.   

 

 

Hoseok tried his best to look high-key offended at the latter, who cackling at his misery but all poor Hoseok could display upon his traumatized face was a lousy inverted pout.

The hilariously awkward tension finally subsided, leaving Hoseok quite intrigued by the new individual, his previous despair now forgotten.

 

“Dude you sure are something… So yeah want a lamp?” said the other, who sported dull blond tresses on his head.

 

 

It was the gaze that struck out to Hoseok, it felt weird, he suddenly felt so diminutive under the presence of the mysterious blond, he almost felt that this stranger could see much more than he could ever conceal.

 

“Huh so-rry? But who are you?” asked Hoseok meekly, eyeing the latter cautiously as he casually sat down cross legged against the cold tiled ground.

 

“Well…” the mysterious blond began, pulling out a transparent packet containing a peculiar greenish substance.

 

 

 

Hoseok eyes doubled in size as he realized what the other was carrying.

 

 

 

He gasped dramatically, hands flying up to stifle his astonishment and making the other cackle up again.

 

 

“Shh… it’s cool, right? I mean you look like somebody who could keep a secret? Won’t you?” he said, his tone wistful but his eyes showing a completely different undertone.  

 

 

Hoseok felt like his legs will give out under so much unwanted pressure, this was not what he wished for at all...

 

He gulped nervously and nodded his head.

 

 

“Great, here want a lamp?” the blond responded approvingly, giving out a neatly rolled joint.

“Uh- I don’t really smoke, you see um-?” Hoseok fumbled upon his own tongue.

 

 

The blond chuckled in deep tone, “I guessed it, relax. What did you think ‘lamp’ was anyway, sunshine?”

 

 

Hoseok gaped at the other’s blunt calm, here he was standing so utterly bewildered and there he was sitting on the cold floor perched in causality.

 

 

“Don’t call me that!” he exclaimed slightly agitated but overall appalled.

“Hmm…okay then what should I call you, sunshine?” the other responded as he calmly flicked the roll in between his lips.

 

His cat like eyes not leaving Hoseok’s petrified ones, not even once.

 

“I am Hoseok, Jung Hoseok.”

“Jung Hoseok huh? Jung Hoseok…” he repeated after as if testing the name upon his own tongue.

“Yeah. That’s me but can I please leave now?” he said really tensed.

 

“I never stopped you, Hoseok. I was wondering why you didn’t leave the moment you realized I was here too. You don’t know me, do you Hoseok-ah?” the other replied eerily slow.

 

He didn’t.

 

 

 

Just then reality hit Hoseok and he groaned at his own impulsive stupidity.

 

 

 

“Aish! Why am I like this?” he mumbled sheepishly to himself before dashing towards the exit avoiding the blond’s eye contact at all cost.

“See you around then, sunshine!” he heard the blond call out before the metal door finally clicked shut.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I rather not…” he replied quietly before sprinting off anywhere but near that golden headed boy who screamed off ‘trouble’. 


	2. Tangerine Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh hell no, you I wouldn’t let you forget me so soon…” he murmured only to himself.
> 
>  
> 
> The rather mysterious aura around his demeanor not fading at all.
> 
>  
> 
> “At least not yet, sunshine.”

Now there is this very peculiar thing about ‘time’. It despite being an universal phenomenon through ages of grey and gold, it turns out it isn’t so similar after all. Time is like that not so unceasing flow of a river stream, the pace never the same, so let’s just consider it as some kind of finite infinity. It could crawl as tediously as a lone snail sliding across a cemented highway. Too slow for its own good but what we fail to notice behind its pace’s criteria, doesn’t have to be how it moves along, at all.

 

Or, it could slip away as quickly as the dried golden ashes falling from the cracks of one’s own fists and hearts…

 

What if it was the burden of the scaled shell it carries so assiduously, be the reason behind its dawdling?

What if the slip ups aren’t meant by time’s flow but rather the dwellings of ‘holding on’ too long?

What if ‘time’ isn’t actually a sole phenomenon at all? What if it is one’s own perceptions that differ ‘time’ all along?

 Would he then finally be able to perceive time as a former friend and not the abiding foe in lands of elapsed blues?

 

 

Ironically only time will tell.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“I am bored hyung… My free period is almost over now, will you please listen to me?” whined a rather agitated looking bubble-gum head, casually sprawled upon the freshly mowed grass.

 

Next to whom, a very frantically messed up brunet sat down stiffly while  perched on to a rather large pile of paperwork.

 

“Hmph...” the chestnut head replied half-hardheartedly.

“Oh! Come on now hyung! Please!!!” said the latter louder this time around and also promptly sitting up.

“Not now Jiminie…” he said still engrossed in the enormous stack of a papers’ utopia.

“Please Hobi-hyung! Listen up! It is really important!” said Jimin still whining.

“Jimin listen, I really need to complete this or Mrs. Wan wil- YAHH JIMIN!! What the-?!” exclaimed Hoseok stunned as he watched the bundle of his all paperwork get squashed down by a human sized mochi.

 

Jimin chuckled mischievously, “Oh now you’re listening to me huh?” he said teasingly and sprang right up.

 

“Aish, this kid! I can’t believe you Jimin…” said Hoseok appalled.

 

The brunet then continued to gawk at the younger who still was giggling like a toddler making Hoseok frown.

 

“You know this wasn’t the politest way to gather my attention, right? Weren’t you lecturing to Jungkook just day before on how not to be a brat?” said Hoseok highly ticked and tried to gather his now crumbled paperwork.

 

Jimin’s cackling stopped completely and a very solemnly dejected expression coloured his face, “But…. I only wanted to spend more time with you hyung.... Not because I wanted to bug you... -but- I know that assignment of yours is due a good two weeks away from now. I’m sorry if I crossed the line…” he whispered forlornly. 

 

Hoseok sighed in defeat, as Jimin’s kicked puppy like stature could melt down even the iciest of barriers, how on earth could his own weak one be any different?

 

It was true nevertheless, the assignment was far from in need of urgent completion and yet here he was overworking himself.

 

Despite everybody’s concern he always does it, exhausts himself till he can’t differentiate his own bones and obsolete husks, feel the blood in his veins trickle out as if mere perspiration and make his mind a mushy mess of complex syllables and ludicrous equations.

Cause in amidst all these complicated tangibles he finally learns to drown down his despair, quench his prolonged thirst and perhaps finally point the pointed tip of time towards the right direction…

 

It felt peculiar, that though he works best under pressure yet pressure is what he dreads the most. 

 

 

“Hyung? Hyung? Hobi-hyung!?” Jimin nudged him.

“Huh… Oh sorry Jiminie, this hyung is not good enough.”

 

Jimin’s eyes narrowed upon the older’s words and his lips formed a stiff line, shifting his current posture he scooted next to the brunet placed a hand over his left shoulder.

 

“No it’s not your fault, I was being a persistent brat and unrightfully invaded your working space.” he said reassuringly.

 

For a flip second, Hoseok almost….almost believed him or at least wanted to.

 

“Hmmph if you say so buddy, so…….maybe I’ll just go back to work now!” said Hoseok, a teasing smile failing to stay hidden.

“Yaaah! Hyung!”

“Okay calm down kid, I was just kidding.” said Hoseok with a large grin breaking out.

Seeing his hyung’s mood lighten up made Jimin breathe out a sigh of relief and a fond smile spread across his face too.

“You even beat me up sometimes hyung.” the smile never ceasing.

 

Hoseok blinked rapidly at the younger’s words, surprised.

 

“Yeah-yeah enough with my talks here, I am done already. What do you want now?” said Hoseok hastily stuffing the remaining of the loose sheets in his backpack.

“Really?”

“Yeah….” said Hoseok cautiously.

 “Let’s check upon Namjoon-hyung!! And then let’s grab something from the canteen.” exclaimed Jimin like a child who just earned free candy.

 

Hoseok failed to roll his eyes on the bubble-gum headed boy’s over-cheeriness and instead let the shorter leech onto his arm and drag him towards the school building hurriedly.

 

* * *

 

 

 

_“Hey!? What are you doing here all alone? It’s raining so heavily.”_

 

He remembers a sudden voice shaking him out of his frozen trance.

 

He still reminisces the downpour that chilled him beyond bones, his trembling stature as he huddled pitifully on the concrete ground, his clothes with holes larger than necessary and his tattered rubber sandals.

 

 _“_ _Hey…what’s wrong? Here, want to share my umbrella?” said the boy tilting his black umbrella over the drenched boy and thus shielding them both._

**_“No. I am…fi-ne.”_ **

_“Mother says we should always help those who are need, its good karma.” Said the umbrella boy ignoring the other’s protests instead._

**_“What’s a car-mah?” asked the shivering boy curiously._ **

 

_The umbrella boy smiled proudly as he recalled his mother’s wise words._

 

_“KARMA. Karma is like Christmas points, if we’re good children then we get to be on Santa’s good list but if we’re not good and become bad then we get on Santa’s naughty list. Which is horrible because we won’t get any Christmas presents if get on the naughty list….” he said shuddering._

 

_The other boy gasped dramatically._

 

_“Yeah, that’s terrifying!  I know. So, Karma works just like that but the only thing different is that, it’s not only for the Christmas season but it’s for our whole life instead.”_

**_“Oh…. Does it really work?”_ **

_“Hmph I don’t know yet. But hey! Why don’t we try it now? Let’s see if we get presents later?” the umbrella boy asked sweetly._

 

He recalls his hesitance, recalls how hard the little drenched boy tried to make out of the other’s offer, recalls the awful fear engulfing his dainty heart, and recalls the really delayed response of acceptance.

_“There you go, I can walk you home if you want me too…” he said as he pulled the other under the umbrella efficiently._

**_“Yes, please.” he responded meekly._ **

_“No problem. What’s your name?”_

**_“Hoseok. Jung Hoseok.”_ **

 

The words he heard after still brought a turbulence of smothered emotions, much louder than the rumblings above and still quieter than the trickling of the rain’s droplets beside.

 

_“It’s nice meeting you Hoseok-sshi.”_

 

 

 

For it had been years since anybody had ever conveyed such words to little Hoseok.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The bubble-gum head was particularly skipping besides him as they ushered past the rather stretched school hallway earning a giggle or two from the older. But even so Hoseok couldn’t help notice the glances they received, none of them pleasant.

 

He felt those kind of stares all the time, intentional or not each one of them scarred a tiny crack on his canvas, dripping out no blossoms but thorns. Hoseok was used to them all and perhaps he deserved them too.

 

Not Jimin though.

 

The younger didn’t deserve this all, especially since it has nothing to do with him but who he was walking besides with.

 

_“Jimin doesn’t deserve this.”_

_“I am a bad company.”_

_“Why does he even deal with all these crap for me?”_

_“Do I even deserve his friendship?”_

_“No who am I kidding….friendship hah? I don’t even deserve his pity.”_

_“I don’t deserve anything.”_

_“I am fine.”_

 

“Hoseok-hyung! Hello earth to Hobi-hyung? Stop zoning out so much. That’s Taehyung-ah’s job in fact.” said Jimin, popping his thought bubble.

 

Hoseok glanced at the pretty anticipated younger and smiled for the sake of some reassurance for the other.

 

It worked.

 

Jimin’s forehead no longer creased and a large goofy grin lighting up his face almost like spring’s first blooming flower bud.

 

“You’re right Jiminie. Let’s go!” he said and held onto the younger’s outstretched hand as they both sprinted off, chuckling purposely.

 

Their quickened paces enough to leave behind the hallway and perhaps all the other trivialities behind.

 

* * *

 

 

There in the corner of dusty old clusters of wooden bookshelves, the room that forever smeared the fragrance of bonded paper pages, old and new, false leather, a stingy floor polish and the petite librarian’s orange musk was the chosen one perched all over some turquoise coloured book thicker than a brick.

 

“Would this sight, ever change I wonder?” joked Hoseok.

“I hope not….” heaved out Jimin dramatically and pretended to swoon.

 

Hoseok faked gagged at the younger’s tawdry acting skills and thus earned  a quick jab at his ribs from the younger, “Yah- hyung it wasn’t that bad.” he retorted as the older continued chuckling.

 

Friends are the families we choose for ourselves. There is nothing mandatory about friendship in fact it’s supposed to one of the most natural processes in life.

 

Humankind are social beings, we need others to survive despite liking it or not. Friendship is his saving grace, friendship is the dawn he desperately wishes upon as he rests huddled in the hollow falls.

 

Friends are like the porcelain candles he uses to light up his gloom but he is also terribly intimidated by this paradise.

 

He worries that it too shall pass, fears it too is just a mirage of his vivid mind, he doubts that he’s far too gone from life to ever receive anything so ethereal. 

 

So burns himself up instead, to provide the illumination that the thriving gloom needs and not once worrying that unlike the candle’s wax, self-inflicted loathe doesn’t easily melt away.

 

“Namjoon-AH!” he finally shouts out loud, quite forgetting his current surroundings.

“Shhhhhhh!!!!!! THIS IS A LIBRARY!!” responded the numerous not so quiet shouts around him.

“Aish hyung…” replied Jimin sheepishly.

“Oops, sorry?” said Hoseok, shifting his feet uncomfortably.

“Ah…. It’s okay Hoseok. Next time just text me before the avalanche.” came up the lanky looking male, his dimpled smile never leaving his face despite the librarian’s glares.

“I guess we’re fine then?” stated the brunet.

“Absolutely fine now come on…”said the lanky raven-haired and pulled along the embarrassed duo outside.

 

 

“Weren’t you let me quote ‘too busy’ for hanging out with me, Hoseok?” asked Namjoon questionably, seated right in front of the fidgety duo.

“Um-yeah I was quite ‘busy’ until well a certain pink mochi managed to pursue me to hangout today….” said Hoseok bluntly but his upturned smirk displayed otherwise.

“Hey! That’s such a terrible blow from you, hyung… Plus ‘PINK MOCHI’ seriously, do you even realize how damn expensive dyeing your hair has become nowadays?” huffed Jimin slightly offended upon the prude comments on his fantastic hairdo.

“Yeah you’re absolutely correct Jiminie, your hair sure looks dead.” teased Namjoon even further.

“Yah not you too Namjoon-hyung!!! And god that’s the lamest pun of the century!” exclaims Jimin really triggered.

 

The older two snigger loudly at the dismay of the younger’s expense, who was currently sulking at the edge of his plastic chair.

 

“Awh- I am just pulling your leg Jimin-ah don’t be mad at this forever neglected hyung of yours...” said Namjoon easily.

“What do you imply by the ‘forever neglected hyung’ huh?” asked Hoseok suggestively.

“Well ask your favourite dongsaeng…”

“Aish not cool guys, how come every blame falls on me somehow?” said Jimin finally breaking his quiet.

 

A series of joyous laughter erupted upon the not so stable plastic table, as hands pounded on, each bouncing off teeny-tiny ounces of pure bliss.

 

Little but just enough.

 

“Oh, by the way Jimin? Weren’t you having trouble with ‘English’ just last week? Have you sorted it out yet because as far as I remember your next test is just due this Friday? Isn’t it?” said Namjoon as the eruption of laughter fizzled away.

 

Jimin let out an exasperated sigh of guilt, “Um no?”

 

“What! I hope you aren’t you planning to flunk on the test, again?” said Namjoon suddenly serious.

 

Jimin gulped nervously, “Of course not hyung.”

 

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“Um help please?” said the bubble-gum haired, eyes pleading desperately at the raven-haired.

 

Namjoon chuckled at the younger’s tactics, “Take out your book and take this seat.”

 

Jimin snorted cheekily as he rushed off to sit beside the taller.

 

 

Hoseok watched the whole interaction with a fond smile lingering on his face but did he really deserve such lovely people?

 

 

The thing is that, nothing’s wrong.

 

Perhaps that’s the problem for Hoseok knew that nothing was actually wrong except his own freaking head.

Time spun around his head at its own speed, no amount of perception’s made it feel any less dreadful, it never listened to him.

 

For a large chunk of his life, he always felt like an abandoned puppet hung on loose threads of false permanence.

 

Hoseok felt his pulses quickening and his whole body going on palpitation.

Dang it!

 

Even his own fingers failed to open the metal cap on top of his soda can, the more he struggled with the metal tip, the more he felt how messed up he was, even the simplest of day-to-day tasks seemed like the most audacious of chores just because he was never able to shun down his nerves.

 

Pathetic.

 

 

 

 

He was pathetic.

 

* * *

 

 

“Need some help out there, sunshine?” an eerily familiar voice breathed down right next to his left ear.

 

Hoseok eye’s widened in surprise and the soda in his hand popped open at the sudden pressure applied to it, creating a nasty looking wet blotch on his favourite orange hoodie.

 

Hoseok sprang up from his seat, creating a really loud thud, horrified and suddenly aware of all the unwanted eyes planted on him because of the mess he created.

 

“Hoseok-hyung are you okay?” exclaimed a concern Jimin.

 

But the poor boy’s concerned words fell on deaf ears, for Hoseok seemed glued in nothing but guilt and embarrassment

 

He could hear the start of those hoggish comments all at that instance added with his own shame filled voices of disappointment.

 

 

 _“_ _I bet you, he dropped that drink on himself on purpose.”_

_“Such an attention-seeker.”_

_“Why does he love disrupting our peace and quiet so much?”_

_“Well at least he didn’t screech like he usually does.”_

_“Who needs a fucking megaphone when we have him bothering everybody?”_

_“Fuck off dude, nobody gives a damn about your mess._ ”

 

 

 

Added that his own mind wouldn’t shut up as well.

 

 

_“ **See that’s why you’re the biggest crap on earth!”**_

**_“Just lock yourself at home, nobody cares if you’re there or not.”_ **

**_“Can’t you even hold a motherfucking drink still?”_ **

**_“Seriously what’s wrong with you?”_ **

 

 

“And who are you mister?” asked Namjoon suddenly standing tall as he suddenly spotted a blond haired boy behind Hoseok, who seemed quite chill about the whole commotion.

 

The raven-haired boy’s narrowed in distaste as he realized who the certain blond was,

 

“You?”

“Yes what about me?”

“Hobi-hyung, are you okay?” asked Jimin again as he rushed near the really traumatized looking brunet.

 

 

Hoseok hung his head low as he felt the soda seep into his hoodie even deeper, his bangs thankfully covering the dampened eyes but his lips just wouldn’t stop quivering.

It wasn’t just the current chaos that shunned him so badly but the ripple it created into his utmost cryptic montage of atrocious memories.

 

 

**_“Let me go…”_ **

**_“Please….”_ **

_“How about a no?” those sickeningly pitchy voices retorted together loudly._

_**“Don’t.”**_

**_“Please…”_ **

_“Shut up! You deserve this freak!”_

**_“plea-se..”_ **

Hoseok shudders as the memory comes piercing out of his solemn hollows.

 

 

“I am fin-e Jimin-ie.” said Hoseok trying his best to maintain a neutral tone.

 

 

He couldn’t provide the pleasure of breaking down in such a large crowd, again.

He shouldn’t cry, right now.

He shouldn’t cry at all.

He shouldn’t cry.

He just shouldn’t….

 

“I’ll be right back, haha aren’t I a mess right now?” said Hoseok faking his best smile off his stained sleeves.

 

Jimin frowned at his hyung’s casualty of the whole situation.

 

Didn’t he just seem like he would bawl his eyeballs out just a second ago?

 

Namjoon continued send down glares at the blond lad, who now seemed to completely engross in observing the exiting brunet. 

 

A certain brunet in a soaked tangerine hoodie, who seemed to have failed in acknowledging the blond’s presence at all in the first place.

 

“Oh hell no, you I wouldn’t let you forget me so soon…” he murmured only to himself.

 

 

The rather mysterious aura around his demeanor not fading at all.

 

 

 

 

 

“At least not yet, sunshine.”    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
>  
> 
> I never imagined even a single read from this humble attempt on my Yoonseok/Sope ff but 100 reads already!!! OML...  
> I am honored! And to all those dear readers who've left kudos and even lovelier comments bless your souls hehe <3
> 
>  
> 
> Hopefully this chapter didn't let you down cause I am not so good at FAKE LOVE >_<


	3. Golden Hues; Old and New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoseok never actually could grasp the concept of letting go.
> 
>  
> 
> But what he did grasp on to just fine were lilac-coloured shells, dismantled remembrances, saccharine lies, broken reveries and lost hues…
> 
> Precisely golden ones, and after a very long time, the golden hues didn’t plainly refer to the beach of wrecked musings.
> 
> Golden hues that tweaked in cheap cologne, cigarettes and chaotic calm.
> 
> Well scratch the calm part.

Sometimes we wish upon a broken star, not realizing what trauma it falls along with, but then we plainly sit under the purple sky;

Open arms, clenched hearts, curious eyes and lips that whisper the faintest of good-byes.

 

If only one could change anything, one would definitely change everything.

 

Desirous by nature, humans most of the times just can’t have enough and to a certain extent that’s absolutely fine. We strive on the phenomenon of ‘needs’ but often ‘needs’ are condemned as mere ‘wants’ and thereby almost losing every inch of actual necessities.

Or perhaps vice-versa.

****

 

* * *

 

****

 

**_“Can’t you do it?”_ **

 

_“No, I can’t.”_

 

**_“Why?”_ **

 

_“Because sometimes, somethings in life aren’t supposed to begin by anyone but by ourselves.”_

 

**_“-But- I trust you.”_ **

 

_“I trust you too...”_

 

* * *

 

 

Walking down the lanes of memories is always a toil, so monotonous that one can’t even reckon when the transparent pearls trickle down and bury the remains of a broken reverie.

 

He leaned closer onto the reflected surface, his worn-out breath plastered on like paint, a fogged up chef-d'oeuvre but of course his reflection nothing quite majestic. A groan slipping as he moved his left shoulder, a blueish patch prized upon it like an armour and his chestnut hair dampened by sweat.

 

He eyed his blurry image with numbness.

 

His hand slowly moving towards the bruise, not flinching upon the touch, his slender fingers stroking the wound with utmost care, he moved it across vertically till he reached his not so pale wrist.

Nothing about it was smooth.

 

Just then the bathroom window rattled, it seemed like a solid gush of wind had managed to unlatch the metal hook and leaving it just semi-attached to a rusted string.

Hoseok’s attention was disrupted by the loud noise of rattling glass and the rare scenery beyond.

 

Stars.

 

The night peculiarly was absolutely sprawled by the imagery of a hundred glimmering balls of illumination.

Which was really strange according to the forever gloom filled city night sky….

 

But he soon lost his call for rationality and well, just accepted the raw at its full glory.

 

Already scooting next to the rattling window pane, he parked his body against the cool grill, his forehead touching the metal bar and his gaze not once faltering from the sky above.

And gazing above, the dark purple tinted hues seemingly tried to soothe his internal turmoil, he closed his eyes almost like in a prayer and sighed.

 

Stars were yet another foil of stories for Hoseok, a story veiled with curiosity and a certain kind of chaotic calm.

 

But the wind still bellowed roughly against the glass and startled his stature, “-not- even a minute of calm I suppose –hah-.”

 

A grim smile flashed upon and disappeared as quickly as he switched off the bathroom lights.

 

The stars outside still however blinked like there’s no possible tomorrow, but there is a tomorrow, was a tomorrow and always will be a tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

Wouldn’t it?

 

* * *

 

 

“SO YOUR MAJESTY HAS FINALLY TAKEN THE PRIVIDLGE TO FINALLY ARRIVE –my, my, my- A WONDER, isn’t it?”

“-Um- I am so-so-so sorry Mrs. Lee but I promise I can explain!” he wailed frantically, his voice still raspy after a rather disturbed sleep.

“QUIET!”

“-But- ma’am…”

“SHUT UP! Jung Hoseok outside my classroom now!!!”

 

The clumsily dressed up brunet hurriedly scooted outside, Mrs. Lee was definitely not someone to hear out anyone once pissed and wonderfully he had yet gain managed to do just that.

 

Damn you, irregular sleeping patterns!

 

Hoseok leaned on the peeling-off white wall, hands slumped at his sides as he slowly slid downwards to a crouching posture.

His age-old backpack dumped on the floor like rag, not that he felt anything less similar.

 

He somehow always manages to upset anybody around him, despite how many grins he has to offers, only frowns are received in exchange.

****

 

 

**_Obviously, what else do you think you deserve?_ **

**_Haven’t you realized it yet?_ **

**_Expectations kills…._ **

**_Perhaps you should too?_ **

**_You ask ‘what?’ well kill yourself in simpler terms._ **

**_ABSOLUTELY!_ **

**_YOU DESERVE NOTHING…._ **

**_GO KILL YOURSELF!!!_ **

****

 

**_“SHUT UP! I SAID SHUT UP!” he shouts internally, eyes shut tight as his hands were shielding his ears, as if they could block all the taunts from within._ **

 

 

“Well, all I was about to say was just good morning, sunshine.”

 

 

Hoseok opened his eyes in horror, was he that loud at internal monoluges and that voice….

 

Damn it.

 

 

“YOU AGAIN!!!”

“Lord you really are loud aren’t you, my dear. Not that I mind but that class’s in charge despite being five feet apart sure will… sunshine.” the blond intruder says and chuckles.

 

 

Hoseok eyes dart behind him faster than lightning and a sigh of relief is heaved out as the class seems undisrupted by the slow chaos outside.

 

 

 

“So no detention for being the typical sleeping beauty, sunshine….”

 

 

Hoseok’s face instantly cringes in distaste upon the random nickname he never asked for, “I already told you not to call me that.”

 

The blond snorted at the other, the mischievous glint yet again returning in his eyes, “But aren’t you supposed to be one?”

 

 

His piercing gaze never leaving the rather agitated brunet, even though Hoseok’s physical structure was a good three-four inches lankier than the blond yet there was something about the blond’s natural presence that intimidated the shit out of Hoseok.

 

 

Maybe it was that forever lingering smirk that never seems to die down upon his plush-pink lips or maybe it was that rather knowing gaze he held oh so smugly.

 

 

“Ah so back to being mute I see?”

“Why are you even here?”

“Why is this hallway too booked under your dear name Hoseok-ah? That no other individual is allowed to even tread by? Huh tell me?” he continued pushing the last buttons of the brunet’s patience.

 

 

Hoseok frowned in annoyance upon the latter’s taunting response and fully sat down on the floor, instead. The blond yet again chuckled at the brunet’s tactics and happily sat cross-legged just across him.

 

 

 

Hoseok let out an exasperated groan, “What in the name of sweet motherf- ”

 

 

 

“Tut-tut sunny-boy. Cursing isn’t the righteous mannerism… And didn’t I already explain it to you, the school passages or the floor isn’t unfortunately owned by you…” said the blond with the utmost grieved expression.

 

 

 

 

If only looks could kill well we all know who’d be lying dead first.

 

 

 

 

Hoseok cursed his doomed fortune, whenever he thrived for solitude, for some reason god was always generous in distributing ample ounces of companionship, so what if it was Satan himself you’re playing chess with….

 

 

 

The blond on the other hand was outrageously blissful in the rather uncomfortable silence between the two.

 

Each leaning their backs against their respective walls, legs crossed and uncrossed, eyes glued and not glued and lips arched and lopsided.

 

 

 

“Would you stop staring?”

“No.”

“Dude? What the hell!” said Hoseok really creeped out.

 

 

 

The infamous smirk still lingered on the blond’s lips.

 

 

 

Just then the shrilling ring of the school bell cut out whatever Hoseok was about to babble on.

 

Wasting no time Hoseok leaped onto the opportunity and sprang up with such agility that really entertained the latter. He tried his best to appear unbothered under his soul digging gaze and hurriedly grabbed his bag before scooting off towards his next class.

 

 

The blond chuckled in thrill, “My! I never realized how amusing it is to watch the sun falter… And now that I do, I guess I’m already hooked. Shit. What wonderful shit!”

 

 

The words bounced off the now deserted passage, where once the whole world of illumination stood and strangely without it the world seemed quite dulled.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_“How do you know him?”_

**_“I don’t.”_ **

_“Are you telling me the absolute truth?”_

**_“Of course Namjoon! I don’t even know his name damn-it.”_ **

_“It’s truly better that it stays that way Hoseok-ah…. That guy well he’s trouble, real trouble.”_

**_“I know that.”_ **

_“I truly wish you did.”_

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Hobi-hyung!!!!!” somebody called out.

 

His eyes darted out in search of the owner and instantly locked up with a young dyed ginger-head frantically waving.

 

He casually snorted out a, “Hi Tae.” at the boy’s zealous enthusiasm.

 

The redhead looked quite offended at blunt greeting, “Aish hyung…. ‘Hi Tae’? That’s it?”

 

Hoseok grinned widely at the younger with the utmost amusement, Taehyung always seemed to feel the need of ‘needing’ and Hoseok never minded it, at all.

 

In fact he was among the handful lot, amongst whom the chestnut head could actually open up. Of course some parts were still concealed from them but the rest well they were practically soul-naked.

 

 

The hug was soul-crushing too and Taehyung busted out cackling in glee.

 

 

“Hyung, Jiminie told me you’re taking us all out to the newly opened burger joint!! Please tell me he isn’t bluffing…..please.” he begged.

Hoseok scratched his neck, attempting to appear thoughtful while Taehyung held his dear life upon his next words.

 

“Well…”

“Well?”

“I guess—“

“You guess?”

“I can’t-“

“You can’t!?”

“I can’t finish the supreme pack all by myself, so I got to take all of you along.”

“You can’t finish the supreme pack, so you got to take us along… Oh I get.” he said dejectedly.

 

 

Hoseok bit his lip so hard to stop his laughter escaping upon Taehyung’s naivety.

 

 

“WAIT! YOU CAN’T FINISH THE SUPREME PACK, SO YOU GOT TO TAKE US ALONG! OMG HYUNG YOU’RE THE BEST!!”

 

Hoseok cackled up as the redhead danced about weirdly in excitement.

 

 

 

 

Maybe being the sunshine in someone else’s life wasn’t really that bad.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_“A little more on the left.”_

**_“Here.”_ **

_“No a little more.”_

**_“Here?”_ **

_“Ah just a little more…”_

**_“Here…?”_ **

_“Ah! Yes! Right there! Perfect! It looks so pretty!”_

**_“Does it?”_ **

_“Of course it does dummy. The golden-brown hues always get complimented when we add a little brighter tint to it. These purple shells look absolutely ethereal!”_

**_“Eh-they-what?”_ **

_“ETHEREAL. It means something so light or frail that maybe it’s beyond our universe, even.”_

**_“What? I’m just more confused. How are these clumsy sandcastles light? Or even in outer space?”_ **

_“Silly little Hobi-ah. You won’t get it. This is about one’s perspective or it all lies in one’s own eye.”_

**_“Huh in our eyes? But aren’t we both are seeing the same sandcast- OH NO-! THE SEA WASHED IT AWAY!”_ **

 

 

The azure tide that seemed so in haste to quench its own thirst, knocked down the tiny golden empire, leaving a really baffled young Hoseok behind.

As the blueish blanket lifted off only the purple shells remained.

 

 

**_“-Our- castles…” he sobbed, it was like his whole world was tarnished. It didn’t matter if it was built only on golden grains._ **

_“Shh…come here”_

 

 

Hoseok cooperated almost instantly.

Soon engulfed in a warm embrace, he felt his pacing heart slowing and lips completely stopped quivering.

 

 

**_“-But-but- we worked so hard.”_ **

_“I know that too but that’s life, Hoseok-ah. Somethings aren’t just meant to be.”_

**_“But it hurts.” he whispered in his utmost childlike clarity, eyes still glistening while his nose was redder than the plumiest cherry._ **

_“It will always hurt more to hold on.”_

 

 

Hoseok looked at his hands that still clenched on to the last remains of his golden empire;

The shells…the purple shells.

 

 

_“Let go Hoseok-ah.”_

**_“-But- aren’t they something eh-they-real….”_ **

_“The most ethereal things are often the most easy to taint.”_

 

 

 

Hoseok didn’t know what taint meant back then but as his hand opened up to drop the lilac-coloured sea-shell, he didn’t feel any better.

He felt empty as the boisterous wave yet again greeted the golden shore and this time gulped in the   purple.

 

 

 

_“Feel better after letting go?”_

**_“Yeah.” he replied, but the reason was the slight bump in his right jeans’ pocket._ **

 

 

 

 

Hoseok never actually could grasp the concept of letting go.

 

 

 

 

 

But what he did grasp on to just fine were lilac-coloured shells, dismantled remembrances, saccharine lies, broken reveries and lost hues…

Precisely golden ones, and after a very long time, the golden hues didn’t plainly refer to the beach of wrecked musings.

Golden hues that tweaked in cheap cologne, cigarettes and chaotic calm.

 

 

 

 

Well scratch the calm part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note;
> 
>  
> 
> So how was it lovely readers? I hope it's not too short and trust me we got really longass chapters coming right up... soon.  
> >_<
> 
> This chapter isn't just a plain filler trust me and oml thank you so much for the reads, kudos and really baffling commnets!
> 
> Haha love you all... Stay blessed <3


	4. One Love aka Zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Way to go Hoseok!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Hell (M.YG): 1
> 
> Hoseok: one love aka 0

Countless.

 

Moments are countless, aren’t they?

 

Right up to the time you breathe your last breath, the heart beats the last beat and your brain sends the last twitch of life.

Then, you’re just done.

 

Done and dead.

 

You’re gone way back to the beyond and that too with no profound hope to ever return. Even so, isn’t death really an anticipated miracle?

 

An escape from everything, all the dread, despair and desolation.

 

But is it really?

 

We’ll never catch the moments that are gone just like we can never put the grains of gold back into the hourglass once it cracks. Once broken it just seeps, seeps and seeps until it’s all barren and hollow.

 

* * *

 

 

“You seem so distracted these days hyung? What’s wrong?” asked Jimin tapping the older on his shoulder.

 

Hoseok popped his thought bubble abruptly and almost slipping his orange soda in the process.

 

“Huh- Sorry what did you just ask Jiminie?”

“Hyung, you haven’t even touched your damn burger since we’ve arrived…. Seriously what’s up?” added a concerned Jungkook.

“Oh it’s all bullshit, nothing’s wrong guys! I’m fine why wouldn’t, I be fine.” chuckled Hoseok nervously, the same old plastic-perfect smile arched widely.

 

 

And just like that it was all dismissed behind new orders, fizzy drinks and crumbled bills.

 

 

“Man! I’m stuffed! Thank you hyung, today was awesome!” cheered Taehyung and swinging his arm around the brunet’s shoulders fondly.

 

Jimin and Jungkook couldn’t agree any less and the duo flashed him the utmost grateful smiles..

 

Hoseok felt light-hearted, in a good way, after all when one paints with all the ethereal tones of the universe, the colours of sheer love and selflessness, he realizes perhaps being barren himself wasn’t really a great big deal… If his blankness is the way to fonder tones of his beloveds, so be it.

 

He wouldn’t hesitate to be melodramatic about it because you can’t spell Hoseok without the letter ‘H’ and the same goes with ‘Havoc’.

But there's another trouble being that Hoseok’s turbulence still didn’t have a name and the agility of the upcoming catastrophe was incredibly rising day by day.

 

* * *

 

 

“Ah! So good to see you there Horsie and his litter of pups.” a very incorrigibly familiar voice snarled.

 

 

Hoseok tensed up hearing the icy tone, chills crawling up his spine and putting a halt at the whole squad.

 

“Just ignore him, hyung. We’ll be fine.” encouraged Jimin quietly.

 

Hoseok nodded but his heart just wouldn’t damn stop escalating, once a coward always a coward his mind scoffed.

 

Despite Jungkook being the youngest amongst the gang and the softest at times, if it was anything that could seriously infuriate the young lad, it was the mockery of his dearer than life hyungs and well this one was just the case.

 

The youngest snapped and before Taehyung or any other member could stop the younger, he straight up went for a blow at the ignorant figure.

 

A loud cracking of a human bone was heard and everybody instantly flinched at the sound impact.

 

The mocker, a prosily built lad of his late teens with a vividly green hairdo lay there howling in pain as blood oozed out of his not so recognizable nose.

Jungkook stood there literally shaking in rage, eyes blazing fire and fist clenched so tight that his veins almost seemed tattooed.

 

But the oddest fact was that it wasn’t Jungkook who had hit him so brutally, although he was close.

 

 

For there was somebody even quicker.

 

 

Hoseok stood frozen, Jimin gasped dramatically and Taehyung had his mouth almost sagging to the ground.

 

For the one who landed that ruthless punch on the mocker was none other than the same sunshine calling guy.

 

 

 

“Fuck that hurts!” he commented chuckling humourlessly.

 

 

 

“What are you doing here!!?”

“Who the hell are you?!!”

“Damn I’m impressed dude! THAT WAS A SICK PUNCH!”

 

 

 

Amongst all the enthralled audience and painful howls, it was the quivering whisper of the certain brunet the blond paid heed too.

 

 

 

“Why…?”

“He tried to steal my lamp and taint my only illumination. The light of my addictive doom.” was he sarcastic, poor Hoseok would never know at least not yet.

 

 

“Ahem! That went downright deep and grossly cheesy, plus I’m a buffoon at philosophy so cut the crap please. BUT THAT PUNCH WAS SICK HELL YEAH!!!” exclaimed Taehyung absolutely awed.

“Well, if somebody would’ve tried to taint your sunshine, wouldn’t you protect it?” huffed the blond tauntingly.

 

 

Hoseok flushed, what the f---

 

 

“Hoseok hyung is your what? Your sunshine!!!?” responded the redhead baffled, eyeing the rather flustered brunet.

“Nah I was talking about my green lamp.” he answered rather cockily, trotting towards the whimpering boy and pulling out a very full packet out of his leather jacket.

 

 

“You’re not quite as smart as you show Jisung.” spitted the blond venomously. 

“Yoo—you—bas-tard…” the cowering Jisung croaked.

 

 

The blond chuckled before giving the latter a rather sharp kick at side making him wince twice as louder while the audience shared the whole familiar look of confusion.

 

 

“What in the name of holy fuc---OW- okay stop that Jimin I won’t curse!? But who is this blondie?’’ asked Jungkook rubbing his arm that Jimin wacked.

“That’s hyung for you brat! And the same question what are you doing here?” Jimin added frowning.

“That’s two totally different questions, _hyung.”_

“Shut up!”

 

 

The blond seemingly indifferent with the commotion he just created casually tried to drape his lovely green goddess in the white bridal wear.

 

In simpler terms he was just rolling his joint.

 

 

 

“Want some, dweebs? he asked jokingly, eyes never leaving a certain someone.

 

 

 

Hoseok shifted his weight uncomfortably, suddenly the saving wasn’t really relieving at all. Rather he felt like a reindeer caught in the headlight, or should he say a green lamplight of doom.

 

 

“Seriously, what’s your name firstly? And then tell us about your everything!” said a wowed Taehyung.

 

 

The blond legitimately choked on his smoke before chuckling wildely.

 

 

 

“Ah I see another ray of sunshine right here?”

“Yeah, that’s me or just Kim Taehyung to you, you awesome one punch green lantern owner!”

 

 

 

 

The blond gave a really amazed look at Hoseok who answered back in _‘Trust me, he isn’t a lunatic just a little weird.’_

 _‘A little?’_ he asked telepathically, the smile arching wider behind the smoke rings.

 _‘Okay he’s just Taehyung.’_ Hoseok answered back in his mind, eyes looking apologetically at the blond.

 

 

 

“Okay so if you two are done with your eye to mind mating rituals, care to explain guys?” said Jungkook bluntly.

 

 

Earning glares from both the parties and a snicker or two from Jimin and Taehyung.

 

 

 

“Ahhhhhhhhhh! Shut up! I don’t even know his name guys!” wailed Hoseok, almost ready to rip his hair out under all the stress.

“Yoongi. Name’s Min Yoongi.” he said in between his puffs, before stomping the butt of his joint under his rubber sole.

 

 

 

Hoseok’s head felt like it would certainly combust under the pressure of the new information, his vision was yet again getting blurry, damn-it why couldn’t he for once could his internal turmoil stop.

 

 

 

“Wait- why does this name ring a bell?” questioned Jimin.

 

 

Everybody seemed to be trapped in some sort of unwanted maze, a maze of unintentional barbwires of ignorance and well white truths.

 

 

“I really could’ve handled it alone.” responded Jungkook haughtily, still a little sore about the fact he couldn’t really avenge his hyung’s insult but in spite of that he still felt in great debt for the blond intruder.

 

 

 

“You’re welcome.” Yoongi replied equally snootily, hands now shoved inside his usual black ripped jeans.

“Guys, I think we should get going…” Hoseok said extra meekly, his cherry aura seemingly extinguishes after every such encounter.

 

 

 

Jimin gives Hoseok a concerned glance, despite being grateful that someone other than them finally stood up for his favourite hyung even if not in the most heroic way….

 

Jimin wasn't really ready to gasp in the awkward tension filled air between the saviour and the survivor. The bubble-gum head was not really famous to judge a person by his cover yet something about this whole 'Min Yoongi’ character set off the warning bells.

 

For all the younger cared was for the betterment of his hyung and that no golden tinted dust storm would cause any further havoc to the rather fragile terrain of Hoseok’s heart.

He was oblivious that the heart that suffers through the deepest cuts is often the only core that blooms in reverence.

 

 

And nothing about a wounded war soldier defined weak, in fact they’re probably one of the bravest souls.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_“Don’t run so quickly, I wouldn’t be able to catch up!”_ **

_“You only succeed when you stop loafing around in your comfort zone and take risks!”_

**_“Isn’t that dumb, what if you fail?”_ **

_“You know right that the greatest failures are sometimes just the beginnings of the greatest successes.”_

 

 

**_“Can’t you speak in simpler terms….” he whined like the child he was before plonking himself on to an ash-grey boulder._ **

 

_“Where’s the fun in being placid.”_

**_“Being what lid?”_ **

_“PLA-CID, you idiot! Aish why am I stuck with such a kid.”_

 

**_“Hey! Don’t be mean and plus I’ll be seven soon…”_ **

_“Wow what an age to be!”_

 

 

Hoseok’s eyebrows knitted into a deep frown and his lips formed a lopsided pout.

 

 

_“A total baby aren’t you?”_

**_“Hmph” said Hoseok grumpily but his pout soon turned into a really stretched smile as he felt his tiny frame being lifted in the July’s summer breeze._ **

****

**_“Woah! I’m flying!!” he giggled adoringly as completely succumbed his body in the awaited body spiralling._ **

 

 

He absolutely adored being carried no scratch that he loved it actually, the mere feel of the crisp air bouncing off your face as you soar up in the sky before being calmly pulled back by the force of gravity into the arms of the one you trust.

 

 

 

Trust.

 

 

 

To be in the arms of a person who you trust.

The warmth of trust shall always seep in no matter how many the barriers, it doesn’t just cling on but marks its essence deeper than one’s soul.

Trust is the antidote of a venom one must never overdose or the after effects would be several times more severe than what a poison could ever be.

 

We all must trust wisely or else the sting that it brings along with after every crack becomes so intoxicating, that each cut will be cherished and every home that is burnt, pained memories.

 

 

**_“Higher! Higher!” he cheered, the illumined smile never perishing._ **

_“You’re a free bird Hobi-ah… never let anyone take your sky from you. You’re meant to soar way beyond the dark abysses and the blue universes!”_

 

_**“But I don’t want to be an astronaut!” he protested naively.** _

_“Ah….too bad. What do you want to be then, huh champ?”_

**_“You.”_ **

_“I asked first.”_

**_“No-no. You. I want to be you.”_ **

_“What?”_

**_“I want to be become like you when I grow up.”_ **

 

Hoseok stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and the only thing he’d ever wanted to be….

 

 

_“Why me, Hoseok-ah…?”_

**_“Because I want to be the bestest human ever and well you’re the first one I’ve ever met and I’d love to grow up and become the second!” he said so effortlessly truthful, two adoring crescent moons forming above the brightest sun-shined smile_.**

 

 

_“You already are number one, Hoseok-ah.”_

**_“Really?”_ **

_“Yeah really number one to be bad at grammar cause it’s ‘Best’ not ‘bestest’”_

 

Hoseok huffed in disappointment before cackling up in fits of awed amusement and of course wrapped snuggly under the embrace of the softest blanket called ‘trust’.

 

 

 

 

**_“I’ll be your bestest hope, you just wait and watch.”_ **

_“You already are Hoseok-ah, my hope.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Aren’t humans just plain seekers of amenity, no matter where a drop is spared we all rush after like thirsty scavengers….

 

It doesn’t matter if it quenches our thirst or not what matters is that we get what we want.

 

But that’s not how Mother Nature created the rules, ‘amenity’ isn’t an infinite well from where we just pull out how so much ever we want, it in fact is showered upon only those who never seek it…

 

Yes, you read that right seekers of amenity aren’t going anywhere but to the plains of chaos and distractions.

After all the greatest pleasures are only bestowed upon those who never seek but sight.

Remember there’s always a huge difference between needs and wants and desires, never-ever mix the three…

 

Ever.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You did what?” exclaimed a bewildered Namjoon almost spilling his oreo shake on the freshly copied notes.

“I did nothing okay. Stop overeacting…. I didn’t even ask for his help.” said Hoseok hesistantly.

 

 

He knew telling the raven-haired would be a bad idea but well they don’t call him the brain of the group for nothing.

 

 

And rationality was all that Hoseok desperately sought for.

But that wasn't the only thing he got.

 

 

“Hoseok, Min Yoongi is trouble! Not even sugar-coating that, we all know his reputation and I can’t let my good friend get tainted by his obscure aura.”

“I know that Namjoon but I’m not that dumb am I?”

 

 

Namjoon stopped babbling for some seconds, eyes looking anywhere but at the brunet as if choosing the choicest of words to explain his point clearly.

 

 

“Being stupid and being innocent are two completely different phenomena. You are stupid only when you know the consequences yet you do it anyways, while doing something wrong unaware of the consequences depicts innocence.” he started and took a quick  sip from his shake.

 

Hoseok seemed glued on to his every word.

 

“Yet we often forget the fine lines between the two creating absolute catastrophes! Hobi-ah I know you are anything but stupid, despite what you portray to the shallow world. Yet selflessness being your greatest strength is also your most vulnerable point… and I just don’t want you to get hurt that’s it.” said Namjoon.

 

 

 

Hoseok manged to crack out a reassuring smile to the raven head but honestly he was crumbling inside.

 

 

 

 

The mask he was always supposed to put on was slowly slipping away and that was not a good sign.

 

For he very well knew the difference between actual concern and hollow pity, he feared that it wouldn’t take much before his friends too would look down upon him.

Since the supposed sun wasn’t in the blue tinted skies but crumbling down as grey glinted crystals instead and nothing was worth watching a puddle of tainted water.

 

He feared even the rain ironically, for he believed it too couldn’t wash away his self-inflicted sorrows.

 

“I’ll be fine Namjoon, don’t worry. It won’t happen again.” he said determined.

 

Namjoon gave the warmest smile to the brunet as he stood up for his next class.

 

“You’re the best version of you Hoseok-ah, don’t change ever it.”

“I know…this is my perfect version.” he answered back not one but all the untitled questions ever engraved.

 

 

* * *

 

_Not broken you meant_

_Happy you wanted_

_So happy you get_

_So what if the cherry is plastic_

_At least the crimson outshines,_

_the lines of botches he drew_

_So shine, brightly my little red sunshine,_

_after all how perfect can perfect be._

  

* * *

 

 

“I wouldn’t glitch this time...” Hoseok reinvigorated himself quietly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Well it’s great to see we have the same preferences in subjects, sunshine.” cooed the oh so (un) wanted voice of the (not) cherished Min Yoongi.

 

 

 

 

 

 

As Hoseok heard the ruffling of the wooden desk right beside of him, his brain yet again shut completely.

 

 

 

 

**_Way to go Hoseok!_ **

****

****

 

 

**_Hell (M.YG): 1_ **

**_Hoseok: one love aka 0_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:  
> Woah! This is my first ever ff to reach half a century at kudos.... Damn thank you guys for your awesome support! I'm so humbled to see such encouragement, hopefully I can give justice to yoonseok...  
> *cries* I'm so happy  
> <3  
> Love you all readers.... Take care


	5. Forlorn Smiles Seldom Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoseok tried to smile.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> It hurt.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> The wound or smiling or maybe both?

It is a dream, a beautiful dream to go to a place where the moonlight is woven in tangible cores and bliss be harmonized with chords striking feeble yet bold rhymes.

 

 

A reverie of golden smiles but wait!

 

 

It seems like all smiles bleed only mere lies.

 

But amidst the whole feud, a question still remains;

 

 

 

"Will I still be able to fly again? Despite my broken wings..."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hoseok felt his whole body getting dispelled right from the crook of his rib to the curve of his spine.

 

The ribs that contracted and didn't, then contracted again and didn't, the not so incessant contraction ironically had this very incessant mode of frequency.

 

Hoseok felt his eyes water as the harsh vapour from the cigarette's tip was roughly trashed on his face. Causing a violent rapture of coughing from him, right after.

 

"Shut up! You ungrateful brat!" a hoarse voice spitted venomously.

 

The brunet flinched at the other's erupted rage.

 

He was trembling in terror, sweat trickling down his forehead like drizzling rain of anticipation...but couldn't dare utter a single word back.

 

For he learnt it quite earnestly that any protest will only lead far more commotion than a quiet settlement.

 

So the burning tip pressed further into his skin, marking a lot more than any coarse tattoo, almost like a paintbrush who coloured silence along side the extinguishing flames of chaos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Drip...

 

Leaked crimson

 

 

 

Drip......

 

Leaked fades lilac

 

 

 

Drip...........

 

And everything was engulfed in a pool of turquoise shine

 

 

 

But in actuality it was only a dark-dark black and all the other hues just a part of some saccharine lie.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He smiled glancing at the leftover cinder, so coarse and plain, the grey dust reflecting back his perished light.

 

 

He smiled again.

 

 

This time though the sunshine wasn't tangerine anymore but only a shade of forlorned blue...

 

 

 

Oh! What a forlorned blue!

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Whoa! I never imagined you'd take my shady joke so seriously." exclaimed a bewildered yet oblivious Namjoon.

 

 

"Yeah right." replied Hoseok, sheepishly adjusting his firmly fixed shades.

 

 

"Hey there Hobi and Joonie hyung!" called out the easily recognizable voice of Park Jimin.

 

 

"Heyo chim-chim!"

"Hi." he replied monotonously.

 

 

"Woah! Ignoring your usual stale greetings... You look totally smoking today hyung!!!" the pink-head teased.

 

 

Hoseok gave out a hopeless giggle while the raven head howled in a boisterous laughter.

 

 

"Shut up you bug! I'm very well aware of your sweet sarcasm." he huffed, slightly cherry.

 

 

"The only thing sweet is you, hyung." the other commented cheekily.

 

 

"Gross! You both are like two sickly teenagers in blind infatuation as fuck!" gagged Namjoon dramatically.

 

 

"Teens we are..." joked Jimin.

 

 

"Not infatuated." confirmed Hoseok.

 

 

"Cause we're two bros! Chilling in the canteen! FIVE FEET APART CAUSE WE'RE NOT GAY!" howled Jimin imitating the classic vine.

 

 

A rapture of laughter rummaged the whole canteen.

 

 

"Um...did we miss anything?" inquired the puzzled duo of Jungkook and Taehyung.

 

 

 

"Nah...just TWO BROS-" 

"SHUT UP JIMIN!" the older two ordered.

 

"Okay..." giggled Jimin mischievously.

 

 

 

The next abrupt roar of laughter slowly faded out in a thin thing arc of faint calm.

 

 

 

Hoseok closed his eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

**Breathe.**

**Relax.**

**Breathe.**

**Relax.**

**Breathe.**

**Relax.**

**Drip.**

 

**Oops.**

 

**Hopefully he'll learn to do it correctly soon.**

 

 

* * *

 

 

**_"You? What are you doing here?"_ **

 

_"Tsk. Tsk sunshine. Is even breathing around you forbidden? If it's really so, I'd gladly get perished under you." he said mystically, the infamous smirk lingering on._

 

 

The air around them, then definitely felt changed.

 

Hoseok could almost cut off the thickness in the air smoothly with a butter knife.

 

 

**_"I d-on't get y-ou..." he said stumbling upon his words._ **

 

_"Sometimes even I don't get myself."_

 

 

The brunet paused and just held the stinging gaze of the blond just a little bit longer.

 

 

He was inevitable.

 

 

 

Inevitable doom.

 

 

 

 

Hoseok made his decision, Yoongi or no Yoongi in the room, nothing could stop him now.

 

He'd do it.

 

 

For it was the only thing that promised to stay and did.

 

 

**"Dance Hoseok! Dance! Dance like there's no tomorrow!" the intrinsic voice consoled him.**

 

 

 

And so he did.

 

 

 

The music player suddenly blasted out such an intoxicating rhythm and in those musical notes, he just let go.

 

And what a unleashing aura it was!

 

 

 

_**"You're my favourite entertainer.." hummed Hoseok to himself, drunken in the beats.** _

 

 

But Yoongi heard it and smiled.

 

 

_"Vice versa" he whispered back._

 

 

 

Hoseok felt light, almost abstract or invincible.

 

Invincible.

 

Yes, definitely invincible.

 

 

 

**_"This feels so good." he commented, literally glowing, his feet not missing one beat._ **

 

_"Yes, it surely does." responded Yoongi, eyes never leaving the sun's tracks._

 

 

 

The whole room had it's own shine and only the blind would tragically be ignorant.

 

At last the song came to a halt and Hoseok felt his legs turn squishy after the exertion.

 

 

 

 

_"You were splendid!"_

**_"Was I really?"_ **

 

_"You doubt?" remarked Yoongi._

 

**_"Um..." said Hoseok, unsure._ **

 

_"Shut up! You were on fire and I'm damn sure you'd set any stage on too."_

 

 

 

Hoseok flushed in embarrassment, he wasn't really used to such honest compliments.

 

 

Something about the other felt so genuine.

 

 

 

_"So why dancing?"_

 

**_"It gives me life. What about you?" the brunet replied._ **

 

_"Well because it gives you life." he said cheekily._

 

**_"Oh, you didn't!" yelped Hoseok exasperated, a new tint of red shaded his ear tips._ **

 

 

 

 

Why?

 

 

 

 

He pondered -why- why did despite Min Yoongi doing the oddest of oddities he still felt light.

 

 

 

He felt light in his presence.

 

 

And no not in a wrong way, never in the wrong way.

 

At least not till now.

 

 

 

Yoongi at that spec of time, at that very nuance....felt right.

 

 

 

Just right.

 

 

 

_"Hobi-hyung!" a chirpy voice broke in._

**_"Jiminie?" Hoseok questioned._ **

 

_"Hey! I just thought I'd drop by- WOAH - WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?" exclaimed Jimin, baffled._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hoseok opened his eyes.

 

 

"So hyung, how was the weekend?" asked Jungkook.

 

"The usual you know." he replied with a forced smile, a little too arched and thus stung his left eye.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_"Please don't..."_ **

_"I said shut up!!!!"_

 

Hoseok winced as the glass bottle shattered on his face.

 

**Drip.**

 

**Leaked crimson.**

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Uh-Hoseok hyung, I hope your dance partner isn't going to show up here too?" said Jimin suggestively.

 

 

"No!" Hoseok suddenly exclaimed.

 

 

"Dance partner?" questioned Namjoon sternly.

 

 

"Oopsie- uh -just ask him yourself!!! See you later hyungs!" yelled Jimin and scooted off with Jungkook and Taehyung.

 

 

 

"Hoseok?" Namjoon asked.

 

"Well, you know um Min Yoongi?" he replied.

 

 

 

Namjoon frowned instantly at the mention of his name.

 

 

 

"What about him?"

"Nothing absolutely nothing."

"Hoseok."

"Trust me Namjoon."

"I don't trust him."

 

 

 

Hoseok gave a helpless smile I return, you don't know who anyone trusts nowadays.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_**"It hurts."** _

_"I know."_

 

**_"But why us?" asked Hoseok shakily, as loud crashes were heard from outside._ **

 

 

 

 

He was cowered into a gloomy corner, pale faced and bruised hands.

 

Soon he was weeping mournfully.

 

 

 

_"Sh...Hobi-ah. Quiet my darling... Sh.."_

 

 

 

The arms of warmth that engulfed out the cold.

 

Hoseok now felt warm despite the chill outside.

 

 

 

**_"I'm still scared. He won't get back, would he?"_ **

_"No at least not tonight."_

**_"Don't leave me."_ **

 

 

 

But before any response to his plans, the unlatched door flung open.

 

 

 

**"Come to daddy, dear Hoseokie!"**

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hoseok creeped into the washroom and after a long wait finally faced the mirror.

 

 

 

In front, stood a boy in his late teens, wearing the same old faded hoodie with a very grim expression, as if permanently planted on his face.

 

 

He reached out and slowly took off his shades.

 

 

 

The large gash of wound right under his left eye reflected back pristine.

 

 

Hoseok tried to smile.

 

 

It hurt.

 

 

 

The wound or smiling or maybe both?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N:  
> So the reason for imt really tedious update is because I'm a hostler and can't get neat access to the Internet to update soon.
> 
> Believe it or not this chapter was drafted in my rough copy since last month and only today I could release it....
> 
> Sorry my precious readers for keeping you waiting.  
> Enjoy the work, lots of love.
> 
> \- Cloverbell


End file.
